Title:           Filly Anon Slice of Life
Author:          Have_Some_Dash
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/5SJDDWRT
First Edit:      Monday 19th of October 2015 09:14:21 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 19th of October 2015 09:14:21 PM CDT

>You are anon, in human shit world
>Today was the big day
>Its taken some time, but you think you finally got it together
>You spread virgins blood in a pentagram in your living room
>The letter of gratitude to the generous donor should arrive at your mail box in about a week
>You place the sacred items around in their respective corners
>Wrists leg
>Scroll of teleportation
>Horadric cube
>A wallet
>the instructions online dont have an item listed for the last corner, so you throw some magic cards on the last corner
>Now it was time to get to summoning money
>Its totes legit
>you read about it on /biz/
>Now a splash of gasoline on the blood and you look back to your notes on a clip board checking each item off
>now to light the blood
>Now for the magic words,
Klaatu barada nik-
**beep beep beep beep beep**
Fuck
>You forgot to turn off your smoke detector
>you run off to get a stool from the closet when you start to burn into flames
>You scream as you run outside your apartment and flail in the hallways
>Never mind the flames didnt actually hurt, you were 100% panicking
>You trip and fall over, spinning around in flames
>You close your eyes and cry like a bitch
><><><><><><><--Meanwhile in Magical Horse Land--><><><><><><><
>Spike! Im going to be in the lab, if I dont come out in two hours go get the girls
>Be Spike
>you sigh, as you sit back in the comfy red recliner
>Gotta say, best birthday gift you never asked for ever
>A glass of milk and chocolate chip and gem cookies on a tray to your left, a nice set of comic book in your lap on top of the soft, plaid blanket
>The sun was about to set letting off a nice orange ray of sunlight
>You were extremely comfy now
>Goddesses, you hope Twilight wont need your help
>Already you open the clear comic sleeve and pull out a reprint of Power Ponies #56 with Dr. Sombrero looking menacingly over the Mane 6
>Prepare for your eternal sieasta, senoiritas!
>You smile a bit at the goofiness and open to the first page
>AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
>And now screaming from the basement
>You sigh before you carefully return the comic back into its sleeve and reseal the clear tape onto the end
>You set the books aside and kick off the blankets
>Only after your feet touch the ground do you sprint to the basement and rush down the stair
Twilight, are you okay!? Whats happening!?
>Then you found a Twilight spraying white spray out of the fire extinguisher at an unseable object underneath a sea of foam
>AHHHHHHH!!!!
>AHHHHHHH!!!
>And whatevers under the foam is screaming with and or at Twilight
>No explosion, no monster trying to destroy Ponyville
>Still a good night
>You walk over to twilight and poke her on the side with your hands over your ears
Twilight, whats going on!
>AHHHhhhuuhhhhh, oh. Hi Spike.
>AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>The foam is still screaming
Yeah dont tell me you created a robot that only screams right?
>Of course not Spike. I honestly dont know really what happened
>She uses her magic to lift all the foam off the pile in front of her, revealing a screaming green filly with her eyes closed
Wait, are you ponynapping again? Twilight, weve been over this.
>No, you got it wrong Spike. She just bursted here from a bunch of flames and-
Uh huh, yeah. She just appeared right in front of you again
>Its the truth!
Ponies are going to start to think youre a filly fiddler if you keep this up
>Spike!
>She gives an angry glare to you as you approach the green filly
>You poke it to get her attention to stop her screaming
>The response is instantaneous as she shuts her mouth
>Her eyes are still closed though
Hey, um, are you okay?
>She opens her eyes under that dark grey mane of hers
>She tilts her head and yells angrily
>Et nusch sel itcoval!?
>You look back at Twi, who just shrugs in response
>The filly though keeps going yelling up at the ceiling and the ground
>She starts to pace, but then falls down, gets back up, tries to walk again, and then falls down
>Eud I lek nee mu nu Si efk nush nual ei eud si-
>She just keeps going, until Twilight lights her horn and casts a spell on the little filly who was shivering with her eyes closed until Twilights spell finished
>Um, hello, Im Twilight Sparkle and this is Spike. Who are you?
>Holy fuck, they talk! I mean fucking unicorn and a walking salamander sure, but then they start talking fucking Jesus Christ, I swear to Allah Ill strangle the fucker who wrote that post! Fuck /biz/!
>You and Twilight are shell shock
>She stops and takes a deep breathe before she sits down on her flank and crosses her forelegs
>Then she almost whispers to herself, My throat hurts
>Twilight clears her throat
>So um
>The little filly just looks back
>Yo
>Youre name?
>Anon
>Oh well, Anon, Im-
>Twilight and Spike, I heard you the first time.
>Oh, well um, we wanted to know um, whats going on with you popping in on us like that and... on fire
>Hell if I know
>Well then ummm... where are you from
And where are your parents
>Somewhere and somewhere else, look this seems like a great Q&A session, but Im a bit tired and
>And then the green filly collapsed onto the ground asleep
>You and Twilight look at each other
>You sigh and deflate
>This probably going to take a while and is going to end with some friendship lesson
>Ill put her in the guest bedroom, could you
Yeah, Ill clean the place up
>Thanks then well call it a night.
Sounds good
>Thanks, Spike
>Cleaning went fast
>Twilight put the filly in the guest bed and started read an odd selection of books
>You went back to your comfy fort on the recliner
>You look at the lukewarm cookies and milk
Eh
>You shrug and take a bite
>Meh
>You open up some comics and went to work on rest and relaxation

>You open your eyes hopening it was all just a dream
>Fighting the angry fury of the sun you manage to get a glimpse at your
>Fuck
>You are horseanon in magical horse land
>After some work you manage to work your motor skills up to par for being a former bipedal ape
>You survey your surroundings of a charming wooden room
>Prettycomfy/10
>You look down from the edge of the bed at a drop the size of, well, yourself
>You bite your lips, before,
Eh, fuck it
>Youre so surprised by your girly [spoiler]adorable[spoiler] voice, that you end up eating shit on the ground resounding in a large thump
>The clopping of hooves are heard approaching your room
>Enter lavender unicorn
>Oh my gosh are you okay?
Ugh
>You break your intimate moment with the ground and are barraged by a large set of purple eye
>You recoil onto your butt
Hezeus Chrissto!
>Oh sorry
>You dont say anything more as you look at her, getting a good feel for what kind of shit you were in for
>Horsey
>Horn
>Wings
>Hair
>Purple
>Colors
>Yup you probably fucked
>Time to give up everything now
>If you went to an insane asylum, those docs sure have their work cut out from them
>Whelp, I got nothing to lose
>When in Rome I dont know the rest
Yooo
>Cool as a fucking ice cube Anon. Its a wonder the sun didnt freeze over.
>Hello. Are you feeling alright.
Yup, never better
>Im crying on the inside
>But youll never find out how much of a sissy bitch I am
>So um, I dont think we properly got together on the, whos, whats, wheres, and whys, when you showed up. Do you mind if I started asking questions?
>You put on your best knowing, smug animu face
Sure, but youll never believe
>Twilight reciprocates with her best respectable, smug herself
Alright, I guess it might take a sec so sit down and listen to what Anons going to tell you.
>The seconds became minutes
>And the minutes became an hour
>And the hour turned into two hours
>And two hours became four
>And the four became eight
>and then-
I am fucking hungry
>Twilight glares at you for your casual swearing, but you dont notice
>She then deflates, Yeah, Im getting hungry too
>She looks at the clock. We started in the late morning and are now in the evening
>Whelp fuck, time flies by
>How bout I make us some burgers and fries for breakluninner?
Sounds fantastic, lets go
>She leads you out of the bedroom and down the stairs, which you were hesitant to approached
>But then went back to what your uncle told you to do in times like these
Eh, fuck it.
>You topple down the stairs only to be saved by Twilights horse butt
>Anon, are you okay!?
Fuck you Uncle Irwin!
>Twilight holds you in her telekinesis while she walked down the stairs, which was an odd feeling. The closest that comes to it is like being in a giant tire
>She sits you on the bar stool in front of the kitchen and starts looking through the fridge for her ingredients
So what do you think so far? you say in a still girly [spoiler] adorable[spoiler] voice
>Twilight continues to scour the fridge, hovering jar by jar behind her to the countertop surface, much to your captured fascination
>She pops her head out of the fridge and turns two stoves on
>She stops and looks to space, while a magic show goes on slightly stage left
>You are either
>She starts looking at you now
>the most deranged filly, I have ever met
>Respond with smuganimu4.jpg
>Or the most fortunate alien to drop on my doorstep

>Well she had a point
>As long as you breathe theres still always the chance to get laid
>Speaking of which
>You look at your crotch
>Yup, you werent imagining things
>So long anon jr.
>Now you had snatch
>Its not nearly as frightening as you imagined
>like its pretty well concealed
>but I mean, fuck man
>Just look at this
>Anon, why are you
>Shit, you guess its always weird to stare at your genitals in front of people no matter where you go
>Fuck middle school
Oh, umm, Im just, this body is so
>Different?
Small
>What do you think it should be like?
Well considering I used to be five-foot-five non-nigger semi-gorilla, which is average amongst my people, I was thinking I was due something taller and older and male
>A patty flipped itself behind her
>Well, according to your story, you went off the beaten path when you messed with areas in your formulas, so of course things wouldnt go as expected.
Moms always right
>Your head falls onto the marble counter
So any chance of a ticket home?
>She turns back to the food cooking
>Well, considering ritual magic is expressly forbidden without consoltation with the Princess
I hate beurocracy
>Your problem will
>She sighs
>probably just be handed off to me and youll be told to go make some friends
Sounds like youve been through this song and dance before
>Not the first time, not the last time
Thisd make me number
>12,
>Twilight turns to get some plates out of the cubboards
>She offers a small smile to you as she walks around
>Though not quite as bizarre as this
Well, at least Ill get to be a special snowflake
>A very, very special snowflake
ugh
>but, at least you get to spend more time with me
>Your ears perked up and you rolled your head slightly on the counter
Meaning?
>Twilight lifts up two full plates in her magic onto the marble kitchen island between you and her
>It means, that as long as youre here in Equestria. Ill give you a place to live.
>You lift yourself from the table quickly
Kick.Ass.
>But
>You droop
>You have to follow some rules and follow my guidance okay
mmmmwelll.I guesssss
>So I hope youre ready to make friends
>Your face fall on a burger bun
fuck



>Day Two of Color Equine Land
>Be Anon
>Or if Twilight gets her way, Grassy Flake
>I mean cmon, youre green. Youre a snow flake.
Twilight, if I ever wanted an adult to bully me for my lunch money just by hearing my name, thats going to be my first choice
>Spike walks around with a stack of books and sets them by the non-fiction section
>Gotta agree with her Twilight. I dont even know what you were thinking when you came up with a name for me
Yeah, I mean Spike? Isnt that a dogs name
>It is a dogs name
>Well excuse me, I was six, I didnt even know what to expect from a dragon, so I just went with the first name I could think of
>You and Spike both double team giving her flat look
>Well it doesnt matter; you cant use your name!
Whats wrong with my name?
>Anonymous Rape? Really
Its Scandivian I think. Its been in my family for longer than Americas been born.
>Twilight whats a rape?
> A book rockets at Spike in the face
>You start to hue, when a book rockets you in face
>NO! NO! no. no! NO! No rape, ever. Spike if you ever ask or even mention that word again, your mouth will taste like soap for a year
Fuck that hurts
>And you have to start watching your language. Fillies dont swear like sailors.
Jesus Christ
>And we cant have any more Jesus either, it sounds just as bad
Woah
>You spring up to your feet now and approach twilight
Thats crossing a line. Jesus is part of my religion Twilight. My lord and savior of whom I call his name as words of strength through times in need, he is a man who has cleansed the sins of man and sacrificed himself to forbade my eternal punishment in hell derived from the original sin
>You glare with religious fury
>Twilight looks straight at you with a look of astonishment
>Wow, you definitely went to college.
>Because I havent seen this level of baloney in a while
But its truuuuue, you wine
>Youre just using it as a cussword. End of discussion.
Fuck.
>You receive a magical lash to the flank
Ow! Nigger dick.
>You rub your flank
>And another on the backside
Ow! You cocksleeve I-
Ow! Shitlicker!
Ow! Vaginal Sex!
AAAHHHH! FUUUUUdge
>You close your eyes with your hooves over your head awaiting the next lash
>As few seconds go by, you peek out and start to look around
>Spike still KO and Twilights looking at you with a thoughtful glance up, mulling over to herself
>She finally reaches a decision and smiles at you
>I guess thatll be alright
>You quickly turn and smiled deviously
But I didnt say fudge. Instead I said the granddaddy of all swear words. The eff dash dash-
>Anon what are saying
Nothing!
>You spin around and face Twilight
>Im sorry Anon, but we need a real name for you, so when you go out in public.
I like my name
>Yeah, but youre a bomb with that last name of yours
>Spike finally comes to holding his head
>Anybody got the number on that bus that hit me
>Oh, Im so sorry, I just was, and-
>Its alright Twilight
Well Twilight I cant just go into public just as Anon
>Spike looks inquisitive of you
>But you can
Wait what?
>Yeah, theres nothing wrong with only having one name, just look at Rarity
>Twilight facehoof hard
>Okay so we got your name right, now we just need a story of why I have a filly.
>Spike starts climbing a ladder
>Maybe Anon, could be your cousin
>You start bobbing your head in place
In west philadelphia, born and raised,
On the playground must of spent most of my days,
Chillin out maxin relaxin all cool,
Play some b-ball outside the school
>You stop and look at Twi
>But instead of seeing her scoff off your joke, she just rolls her hoof for you to continue
>Shit you werent serous, but
But there were a couple of colts, they were up to no good
Started causing trouble in my neighborhood
>You bit your tongue for sec, before you continued before you had it
I got in one little fight and my mom wouldnt chill,
She said movin with your aunt Twilight in Ponyville
Bam, alibi done.
>Bless your heart DJ Jazzy Jeff
>You look at Twilight whos looking to self-writing scroll and quill reading it over again
>Okay, this might work
Cool, then whats next?
>Well, there should only be a couple of things left to discuss, now
>First, dont be racist to anypony or demean ponies for their differences
Wait just a nigger? What?
>Another zap to the flank
Ugh. Can I at least be ethnocentric?
>No
But muh [spoiler]Asian[/spoiler] master race
>No Anon, you cannot discriminate against others or yourself. For all intents and purposes you are now just another pony with no other factors that sets you differently from others except your personality or intelligence. Understand?
>You kick your hoof at the ground
Yes, maam
>Now second thing is, Celestia is the benevolent, immortal ruler of Equestria and is the one who raises and lowers the sun
>Your stiff
>Not that stiff, because, you know, no dick, but yeah
>You go rigid
>Eyes wide, you can barely hear
>The implications are that either shes right and all life is dependent on the lack of mood swings from a god or that society probably believes in pharaohs and builds pyramid on the back of slaves
>Twilight waves a hoof in front of your face
>Anon, hello?
>You snap out of it gasping at the ground
C'est la vie, nonnie, c'est la vie
>Sailor Vee?
Nevermind, its, this will not matter for day to day life right?
>Twilight thinks for a second, before she shrugs
>No, not really
Thank Christ
>You cringed but then nothing happened
>You sigh in sweet relief before listening up on the purple Alicorn
>Okay, one last thing
One moooore thing, You say in your best Uncle impression
>Yeeeeeah, Twilight says giving you a confused look
>God, youre going to be extremely awkward kid from here on out with your chinese cartoon references
>With you not having a Cutie Mark, you might-
Woah, woah, woah, cutie mark?
>Uhm yes, your Cutie Mark
That is the single gayest sounding thing Ive ever heard
>Well, everypony gets a cutie mark
Well, not me
>But it tells you your destiny
Hold on just a nigger, what? Ow!
>Twilight signs and her horns glow dissipates before going into lecture mode
>Yes, when a pony finds out their lifes calling, they get something called a cutie mark. Everypony gets one when they find their talent.
And when do ponies usually find out their talents?
>When their a filly and figure it out
So that could be, for me, anywhere between now and never right
>Twilight gives her best comforting smile, Its bound to happen eventually
>Yup youre fucked
>Especially with the help of three very enthusiastic fillies just waiting to help you
This doesnt sound good
>Oh this gonna be great
Youre scaring me, Twi
>And I expect you to be on your best behavior, no swearing, no bad things, no nothing. I know youre an adult in your culture but everyponies going to expect you to be just another filly. So go along with it if you want to make friends.
But I dont want to make friends
>Whelp good thing Im the one who pays the bills here
>Fuck, shes got you there
>Now do you know how to use your hooves
>You quirk your brow
Well, shiiii-lllllll, er, yeah, I mean I can walk down the stairs so I think I got it
>Well you being an Earth pony things are a bit more different for you.
>Twilight picks out a book and sets on the table open flat and puts a stool down in front of it
>heres an old phone book, now just flip the page
>You scoff with quality smug
>Flip the page
>Flip the page she says
>You dont walk up to the book; you stride over to the table
>More like flip this dick
>hue hue hue hue
>You reach a hoof up to the book
>You freeze as a cold shiver runs up your spine
>You stop and bring back your hoof and analyze it with small irises
>You look back at the pages
>And back to the flat, solid hoof
>And back to the pages
>Theres magic in your hoof that allows you a bit of grip, but you have to get used to this. This guide on raising Earth Ponies recommend you master this by flipping through an old phone book in case you might tear thing out
>Alright anon, you can do it
>Just flip the page
>At first its a whiff as you punch the book and nothing happens when you move the book
>just flip
>Now you concentrate on your, fuck, hooves I guess and try and
>***RIIIIPPP***
>Twilight cringes from the sound of sacrilege
>The page
Just flip
****RIPPPP****
>Twilight choking up
the page
just flip
>Im going out to get some groceries. Spikes here to help if you need anything reasonable. Just keep practicing
***RIIIIPPPP***
The page
>><<>><<Three hours later>><<>>
>Be Twilight at twilight
>Sigh, you hate yourself
>Oh that joke, that joke ever since you were a filly
>just came back from shopping for groceries and talking with Cheerilee
>You sing some wordless tune as you open the door to the library
Im back everypony!
>You yell out
>the paper bags of groceries float over to the kitchen without you
>The library is calm and quiet except for Anon and shes still just flipping through the phone book
>Just flip
>You brace to cringe from the sound of another tear
>But it doesnt come
>You peek over the fillies shoulder to see her progress and youre impressed
>the page
>In just one day it look like shes mastered the unseen art of hoof grip magic
>The book on raising foals said itd take a week, but given Anon age and body
>Just flip
>You look at her
>Yup, shes having an episode
>The page
>Time to get the bucket
>Finally a chance for it to be used on somepony other than you
>You trot over to the kitchen giggling and get the bucket from under the sink
>Fill it with water
>Trot over to Anon
>And then
***WHACK***
>Then slam the bucket against her head with your magic
>Anons head hits the book at mach speed
>You stood there stunned
>All the water is still in the bucket and
>You lift Anons head to get a good look at her
>You let go and she goes limp back onto the book
>Yup, shes down for the count
>oh ponyfeathers, you fucked it up
>Heya Twilight,
>Spikes standing at the top of the stairs rubbing his eyes
>A quick lighting of your horn and the buckets gone
>He opens his eyes and starts to walk down the stairs
>When did you get back home?
Oh uh, Hi Spike. I uh, just got back, with the groceries
>oh do you need help putting them away?
Oh thatd be lovely Spike. Im going to be back in just a sec to do them, but first Im going to put Anon into her bed
>Did she finally stop? After about half an hour she just kept talking to herself, I decided to get an early nap.
Yeah, poor filly was asleep as soon as I walked in heheh
>You quickly picked Anon up with your telekinesis and walk up the stairs to the guest bedroom
>You set her down on the bed and do a quick run over with your magic anylizing the damage yourve done
>You sigh as the readings only come out with a slight concussion and nothing sever
>You bite lip
>This is not going on the friendship report

>Day Three of Filly Snatch in Equestria
>It's finally the day
>After two days trapped in a boring old library, it's finally your chance to see the world
>What adventures will it hold?
>What new characters will you meet?
>What difference and change will the horiz-
>You're going with Twilight on some errands...
>Fuck my life
>"Okay, you remember what we talk about, right? the who language problem you had? It's not going to-"
"Twilight please, I'm not going to scream down the street racial slurs just for the fun of it. What kind of autistic manchild do you take me for?"
>She goes silent for a bit
>She's looking to the ceiling mulling your words over
>You sigh
"Trust me, I'm not some tard who goes out screaming rape for fun okay?"
>She looks at you with sharp eyes, tracing for any hint of a lie, before she finally accepts it
>"Alright then, so first we're going by the market, then-"
>You blank out for a second, thinking about how shit you've been in the past with making friends and now your expected to get along with a bunch of alien freaks.
>Should you try to act cool?
>Maybe pretend to be shy and get some pity friends?
>Or maybe, just maybe, you be yourself and hope ponies accept you...
>You're fucked
>Oh, well, mind as well go down guns blazing
>Oh fuck Twilight's wrapping up now, better just nod my head
>"Alright, well, let me give you a no holds barred tour of Ponyville"

>><><><><< Warp Transition >><><><><<

>When she said no holds barred tour, that apparently meant she will not shut up
>Every building had a backstory
>Every shop had an manifesto of all their stock
>Every pony got a backstory
>We haven't gone two blocks and it's taken an hour
>Ponies pass you silently offering their condolences
>So far the only interesting thing you've heard so far was that there was a shop that only sells Quills and Sofas. Literally nothing else.
>The boldest move you could have ever possibly have heard about since union strikes bringing live cannons to demonstrations
>My utmost respect goes out to men and ponies like them
>Finally you stop
>Now your at a carousel with a lot of dresses
>"Alright now this should take a minute, I'm just stopping by to see Rarity and then we'll hit the road again"
>You nod your head, instead of calling her out on her bullshit
>It won't be just a minute
>It's never just a minute

>><><><><< Thirty minutes later >><><><><<

>You called this one with such pristine clarity, you mind as well be Nostradamus
>After the little awws and daww from white whorse your quickly saved by Twilight from trying on a shit ton of dresses
>but then they started talking
>And talking
>And... talking
>Fuck this noise
>I'm escaping
>You push the door ever so slightly, just enough to squeeze out without ringing the bell and you were free
>Never has the air tasted so crisp, so free
>You start trotting down the streets by yourself
>So friendly when the people offer hello's and hi's without being total losers
>And so then you find yourself in a park and find a park bench so lonely and need of your company
>Ever so happy to oblige you take a rest, and sit up, before you feel weird about the way you might be presenting your fillyhood
>Rearranging yourself in a less awkward manner you look out to the sky

>Just looking at clouds...
>...
>Jesus Christ I'm boring
>But the sky livens up with rainbows streaking through the sky in an extremely flamboyant manner
>A pegasus streaks by showing off some pretty fucking titular moves
>Upside down, loopty loops, barrel rolls
>It's like front tickets to an air show... only gayer
>Then a orange filly cheered on loudly
>"Go Rainbow Dash!"
>Wow, she's really into it
>If Twilight's right, this is pretty much just a day job almost on par with being a plumber
>You didn't plumbers got fangirls unless it was gay pornstar
>You get up and approach the raving fan
"Oi, what are you hollering about?"
>"Are you blind, didn't you see those awesome moves Rainbow Dash just pulled?"
"Well, they were pretty tits"
>"Pretty tits?"
>Ah, shit. Move sliders to fluid formation and go to the defensive preset
"Yeah, tits. It's another word for awesome, only cooler"
>"So Rainbow Dash up there..."
"Was pretty tits, you got it."
>"Aww man that's so cool, I gotta tell her that"
"Sure, in just a sec. Can I ask you a question?"
>"Yeah, sure what's up?"
"Was just curious, why is... Rainbow Dash doing a show for something like like popping clouds and why are you the only one cheering?"
>"Oh well, Rainbow Dash is the just the tits, you know"
>You struggle not to laugh
"Yup."
>"And her number one fan. And someday I'm going to be flying right up there with her and it's totally going to be the tits!"
>Jesus christ this is the best
"Sounds cool, well I'm gonna go back to Twilight, I'll see you later"
>"Wait Twilight, Princess Twilight"
"Yup"
>She notices your nonchalant behavior
>"Friendship problem?"
"Bingo"
>"Well if you ever want to hang, I'm always around"
"Thanks, I'm Anon"
>"Scootaloo"
>You hoof bump before moving your seperate ways
"See ya on the flip side"
>You leave stage left and check up on Twilight to make sure she isn't looking for you

I am the apex of no fun slice of life

>You walk in just as a conversation was coming to a close
>Fucking old women
>The bell rings sounding your approach, which is moot at this point
>"And then she, oh Anon, when did you leave, where did-"
"I got bored, so I went out for fresh air"
>"But I-"
>"Now Twilight, it's natural for a filly her age to not be as engaged when adults are talking. Celestia, knows Sweetie Belle is harder to keep entertained for long without a friend. And speaking of which, she should over at Applejack's farm helping the Apples. Twilight, if don't mind, dear..."
>"Oh of course, Rarity, I'd be happy to pick her up."
>If it were anyone else, you'd pick up a heavy scent of bullshit and sarcasm laced in that sentace
>You live with a total dweeb
>"I was just showing Anon all of Ponyville"
"Eyyyup, a 'no hold barred' tour"
>You smile with a 'kill me' face
>She gets the message, but instead of a quick death, I'm only given pity and remorse
>"well, I'm sure you'll find something fun."
"I'm sure I will"
>"Oh, but next time Darling if, you happen to swing by, please you must visit me. I've been in need of a challange lately and you would be perfect for the role."
"Oh you're just saying that because I'm green right?"
>You offer a playful smile
>"Anon, I don-"
>"Of course it is, Darling, green is a hideous color"
>She sends back a smug smile of her own
>Oh she is playing with your heart now
>"Rarity wh-"
>"Oh and the dress is free"
>Fucking sold
"I'll be sure stop by then"
>You head to the door, head held high
>"Rarity why did you say that?"
>"First of all it's the truth, green is a hideous color."
>Twilight glared at Rarity who wrote it off with a playful eye-roll
>"and secondly, that filly would never let me get her a dress otherwise. Someponies are just like that. I have no idea why, but it's a rare, delicate combination of pride and masochism. I would have never said that to her face otherwise."
>Twilight quickly mulled it over to herself, chewing her lip

>"Don't worry, darling. I am a ponyperson. I know these things. Now you hurry up before the little miss tries to sneak off again."
>Twilight smiled and waved to her friend goodbye before leaving the shop
>Finally out of Rarity's gossip indulging clutches we're off to a new horizon
>The next new fantasy advent-
>Oh yeah that's right, you're still running errands and getting the tour from hell
>Next on the list was visiting the Sugar Cube Corner
>Sounds like a diabetes support clinic
>You stop right in front of the gingerbread house shop and you're almost tempted to...
>"No it's not edible"
>You deflate a bit
>There is no god
>You walk in on impromptu comedy songs and already you're rearing just to kill yourself
>Just absolutely revved up to slam face first into a railroad spike
>And now pink
>"Hello, aren't you new face? I know all the ponies in Ponyville so you must be new. My names Pinkie Pie what's yours?"
"Well, howdy the name's Anon, and I'm doing fannnnnnnnnnntastic"
>If there was a darker parallel to euphoric, you are there
>"Wow, you don't talk like a filly at all. That's kind of funny. You're a funny pony, Anon."
"Well, thank ya kindly, I do specialize in 9/11 jokes and bitter sarcasm myself, but I can roam off the beaten path"
>"Oh and Hi Twilight. Is this a new cousin, or a new nephew, or"
>Insert dramatic gasp
>"Is it your long lost daughter you had when you were just a teen, and was forced to give into adoption or in her case thrown in dumpster on prom night. How scandalous!"
>Your maddened forced smile, became a lot less mad, and lot less forced
>Now things were getting comfy
>"What, no Anon is"
"Just a poor and unfortunate soul. Only taken up by her mother after being threatened with blackmail, I live a loveless life in the clutches of cruel royalty."
>"No, Anon don't-"
>"Oh poor Nonny, So deprived of the simple joys of a mothers smile, only now just a sicken reminder of a bad hormone filled mistake"
>"Pinkie sto-"

"Oh yes, just a living testament good protection. It is only fitting if I were destined to receive a cutie mark of a broken-"
>A elder man spoke up from the kitchen
>"KEEP THAT TALK DOWN, PONIES ARE TRYING TO EAT!"
>You just barely notice the downright bewildered looks ponies are giving you from their booths, but you can hardly see them
>You bite your lip, but can't help but break down into a fit laughter and Pinkie falls ontop of you
>This is almost as good as dry humping your friend in the line to Six Flags
>You wipe away the tears and Ponko springs up beside you.
>You were in a wonderful mood now
>"So what brings princess, mother of the year to my humble abode?"
>Twilight deflates
>"Pinkie could you"
"Twilight they're eating ice cream, can we get some ice cream?"
>You are now hopping in place, poking Twilight right side
>"Yeah, Twilight can we get some ice cream?"
>Pinkie flanks Twilight from the left
"Please?"
>"please?"
"Please?"
>"pretty please?"
>"Alright, alright already?"
>You and Pinkie start a giggling fit as Twilight gives an exasperated sigh

Honestly I am surprised at how easy this was to write. I did not expect this to take the direction it did. Anyone reading or am I doing this for me now?

>><><><><< One Ice Cream Sundae Later >><><><><<
>Pinkie stood outside the doors while you and Twilight broke away from her waving and saying your goodbyes
>"Bye Nonny, Bye Twilight"
"Bye Pinkie
>"Bye Pinkie
>"Bye Nonny"
"Bye Pinkie
>"Bye Nonny
"Bye Pinkie"
>"Bye Nonny"
"Bye Pinkie"
>Bye Nonny"
"B-"
>You open your mouth to go for more when a glare hits you with the fire of a thousand suns
>You peak and see Twilight's 'beyond death' stare
>You should shrink
>You should shrivel in fear
>But you were back up by the Jihad law
>This is righteous vengeance for the past hours of verbal crucifixion
>Except without nails or a crossboard
>You retaliate her glare in force with a cheeky smiley face
>She whispers to you,
>"One of these days"
>The earth shuddered around us for a just a second there
>"Straight to the moon"
>A cold snap hits you and break down your resistance
>Twilight then turns to walk to the next stop in silence as you follow along with your head low
>it takes a while, but your left just to think about how much Twilight has helped you since your own bullshit mistake and your left feeling...
>Ah, guilt, my old nemesis
>Each step is harder to make and doesn't help that you've got stubs compared to Twilight
>You start to lag behind
